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Monday, December 09, 2019 {{ new Date().getDay() }}

#EndorseThis: Trevor Noah Burns 'Bitch' Johnson Over (Failed) Stall Of Relief Bill

Americans are one step closer to getting much-needed pandemic relief-- no thanks to Republicans. In fact, one not only didn't vote for the bill but he also delayed it as long as he could.

That's right, Sen. Ron Johnson (R-WI) took his pettiness to a new level, forcing Senate clerks to read all 628 pages of the $1.9 trillion Covid-19 relief package.

Needless to say, this maneuver irritated people, especially Trevor Noah, who ripped the Republican "bitch" during his show last night. Even more hilarious is that Johnson's effort did nothing to delay the bill -- because Democratic senators outwitted him on the floor this morning and cut off debate while he was still asleep.

This won't be the last roasting of Johnson, whose seat is up next year. Enjoy!


Ev

#EndorseThis: Seth Meyers Rips Texas And Mississippi Decisions To Reopen

Remember the pre-pandemic world? No masks, no capacity limits, and no social distancing. Texas and Mississippi are returning to that nostalgic time -- the only problem being that we are still in a pandemic and COVID-19 variants are spreading. Evidently the governors of those states don't care how many of their constituents die.

Seth Meyers decided to take "a closer look" at these rash decisions by Texas Gov. Greg Abbott and Mississippi Gov. Tate Reeves, both Republicans. Their moral idiocy is a deadly serious topic, but somehow Seth finds the dark humor.

You'll be outraged, but you'll laugh too.


Texas, Mississippi Lift Mask Mandates; GOP Silent on Amazon Union Push: A Closer Look www.youtube.com

#EndorseThis: Dolly 'Gets A Dose Of Her Own Medicine'

"Vaccine, vaccine, vaccine, vaccine!" Dolly Parton wants you to get your Covid-19 vaccine, as the country legend warbled those words to the tune of her hit song Jolene. After putting a massive amount of her own money into creation of the Moderna vaccine, the iconic star finally got her first shot.

So excited was Dolly that she recorded a video encouraging everyone else and assuring the skeptical people that it's safe. No surprise that "Vaccine" went viral instantly.

Are you a Dolly fan? Who isn't? She always makes us smile.

#EndorseThis: Kimmel Highlights 'The Kings Of Conservative Comedy'

The Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC), if somehow you haven't heard, is an annual convention where conservatives get together to complain about liberals, celebrate their bigotry, and, apparently, perform stand-up. So Jimmy Kimmel pulled together a highlight reel from the ridiculous "speeches" delivered there by top conservatives. It's "The Kings of Conservative Comedy," and it is hilarious," although not exactly as intended by the big stars like disgraced Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX).

As the GOP collapses into a Trump cult, the soundbites and personalities are ever more ludicrous. But how entertaining for the rest of us. Enjoy!

#EndorseThis: 'Borat' Thanks Giuliani During Golden Globes Acceptance Speech

The most unusual Golden Globes ever took place last night-- hosted by the girl power duo of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler,. The veteran hosts delivered an amusing monologue that righteously called out the Hollywood Foreign Press Association (HFPA), which sponsors the awards, over longstanding diversity and inclusion problems that its leaders then vowed to remedy.

But perhaps the funniest moment of the night was when Sacha Baron Cohen remotely accepted an award for Borat Subsequent Moviefilm. He didn't neglect to thank his "co-star" Rudy Giuliani, "a fresh new talent who came from nowhere" and suffered exposure for his inappropriate behavior on file.
Only Rudy could inspire a speech this hysterical. Did you miss it? No worries.

House Approves $1.9 Trillion COVID Relief Bill On Party Line Vote

The House of Representatives passed President Joe Biden's $1.9 trillion pandemic aid package early on Saturday morning, taking a first step toward the enactment of the new administration's top legislative priority.

In the narrowly divided House, the final vote hewed closely to party lines, 219-212, with two Democrats opposing
the leadership. (Reps. Kurt Schrader (D-OR) and Jared Golden (D-ME) voted against the bill.) Having passed the House,
the relief legislation will now go to the Senate, where a provision increasing the federal minimum wage is expected to be stripped out of it. Last week the Senate parliamentarian ruled against including that provision under the reconciliation process, which Senate Democrats are using to pass the bill with a simple majority vote.

Once it passes the Senate, the bill will return to the House for another vote before it reaches Biden's desk for his signature.The bill advanced by the House includes $1,400 direct checks to Americans making less than $75,000 annually, an increased child tax credit, billions in direct funding to state and local governments, funding for schools, and additional support for vaccine distribution as the Biden administration seeks to fulfill the targets set for its first hundred days.

#EndorseThis: Internet Roasts CPAC's 'Golden Trump' Idol

The Conservative Political Action Conference, usually known as CPAC, is the annual gathering where Republican activists gather to flaunt their crazy. Now that the GOP is a subsidiary of Trump, of course, this includes worshipping the former president. And now they've taken that habit to its absurdly blasphemous conclusion.

Bloomberg reporter William Turton recorded video of the "golden Trump" statue — perhaps a reference to the “golden calf" episode from the Old Testament — at CPAC 2021 "America Uncanceled." And as Twitter caught fire, Mediaite culled some of the best social media responses.

Watch the video below to see the absurd "golden Trump" statue for yourself. And stick around for the hysterical comments.

The best Twitter reactions:

#EndorseThis: Would You Recognize Our 'Second Gentleman'? Almost Nobody Did

Everyone should recognize Vice President Kamala Harris, the trailblazing first Black and Asian-American woman to hold that office. But what about her husband, attorney Doug Emhoff?

Jimmy Kimmel decied to find out, which resulted in a sardonically amusing segment on his late night show. Evidently the spouse of the most powerful woman in America could walk through the streets of Los Angeles and none of the super-hip Angelenos would recognize him. What they said while struggling to identify his photo was hysterical.

Just click and enjoy!

Can Anyone Identify VP Kamala Harris' Husband? www.youtube.com

#EndorseThis: Kimmel Obliterates CPAC Convention In Merciless Monologue

The annual CPAC convention, which a variety of bonehead extremists, is a frightening microcosm of Trump's Republican Party. CPAC is the acronym for Conservative Political Action Committee, but that's a misleading moniker. Jimmy Kimmel sums up their annual event as "Comic-Con for Neo-cons and Neo-Nazis."

Kimmel takes dead aim at Mike Pence, CPAC's "uncanceled" theme, and much more. He roasts Trump for teasing a 2024 run -- an obvious scam -- and needles that flip-flopping phony Lindsey Graham.

Click it and cackle.


#EndorseThis: Seth Meyers Scrubs GOP Lies About Texas Disaster

The devastating winter storm in Texas, with its cold blast of death and destruction, is still fresh in the minds of many Americans. So is the way thatTexas Republicans mishandled the situation, with their focus on brazen political attacks rather than humanitarian action.

With grace and humor, Seth Meyers closely inspects the outrageous lies about the crisis -- from Republican officials and Fox News hosts alike -- that they all blurted out at the most inappropriate time. It's "A Closer Look," and it only hurts if you're one of those bozos.Otherwise it's grimly funny.

Click the link and enjoy!


Fox News Lies About the Texas Blackouts as GOP Lies About the Election: A Closer Look www.youtube.com

#EndorseThis: Daily Show Unveils New Texas Energy Source, Powered By Hate

How ridiculous are Texas Republicans? Facing a disastrous winter storm and a power outage that left millions frozen, the GOP responds by falsely blaming the Green New Deal. At a dire moment when leaders are needed, they play partisan politics -- topping with a helping of Big Lie.

The Daily Show brilliantly satirizes their despicable attitude in this (fictional) Texas power company ad. Powered by the hatred of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (AOC), the Green New Dealer who raised $5 million to help Texas, this outfit's energy source is abundant in Texas and evidently renewable.

Click! You'll laugh!

Join The Eargo Revolution And Hear The World Better

Sponsored Post by Eargo

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Supreme Court Rules That Prosecutor Can Get Trump Tax Returns

The Supreme Court has ruled that the IRS can release Donald Trump's tax returns to Manhattan District Attorney Cyrus Vance, Jr., who is conducting a criminal probe of the former president and his business, according to CNN. The decision, issued without comment or dissent, represents a major legal defeat for Trump, who has violated promises to release his tax returns and fought in court to conceal them from prosecutors.

The returns will still be shielded by grand jury secrecy rules that prohibit their public release. The subpoenas demand tax returns and other documents between January 2011 and August 2019 from Mazars, his accounting firm

In practical terms, the court's ruling means that Vance's probe of alleged hush money payments to porn star Stormy Daniels, tax evasion, and fraud will no longer be hindered by Trump's effort to keep his taxes and other documents from the prosecution.

.Last summer the high court majority rejected Trump's broad claims of immunity from a state subpoena seeking his tax returns and said that as president he was not entitled to any kind of special privilege or standard. By 7-2, the justices remanded the matter back to the lower court, allowing Trump to offer further objections to the subpoena's scope, which his lawyers described as "geographically sprawling, temporally expansive, and topically unlimited," raising "suspicions of a fishing expedition."



#EndorseThis: Late Night Comics Crush "Cancun Cruz" In Medley Of Mockery

It's crazy to think that a United States Senator, even one as creepy as Ted Cruz, would hop on a plane while their constituents freeze without power after a devastating winter storm. But that's exactly what the Texan did --- and after a flurry of obvious lies, he proceeded to make a bad act even worse.

Naturally all the late night hosts chimed in, and the Washington Post put together a highlight reel that will make all you Cruz fans chortle.

What's happening in Texas is no laughing matter, but a Ted take-down will always be rewarding. Enjoy!


www.washingtonpost.com

#EndorseThis: Trump Makes Kimmel Cackle With His 'Perfect' Limbaugh Eulogy

Who will miss the late right-wing radio host Rush Limbaugh -- infamous for his bigoted attacks on minorities, women, and liberals? Judging by Donald Trump's self-centered eulogy of the man he gave a medal, apparently not even the former president.

Yesterday Trump went on Fox News to share remembrances of Limbaugh. But he immediately turned that nostalgic moment into an opportunity to talk about himself -- and to continue lying about the election.

For Jimmy Kimmel, this presented a perfect occasion to roast Trump on Jimmy Kimmel Live! -- where he reminded the Mar-a-Lago loser that there is "no I in eulogy."

Consider this bit of comedic genius our very own farewell to El Rushbo.

#EndorseThis: Zuckerberg Takes On Covid-19 In Puppet Rap Battle

GZero's Puppet Regime delivered so many laughs during the Trump administration's tumultuous four year run. But with Trump gone at last, GZero has something different for puppet fans.

The latest Puppet Regime pits Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg against the deadly Covid-19 virus in the rap battle of the century. The contest determines which is the worst thing to happen to humanity.

Who wins? All we can be sure of is that we lose. But we're still laughing.

#EndorseThis: Roy Wood Jr. Kills In New 'Dark Humor' Set

We all know the hilarious Roy Wood Jr. from his skits at The Daily Show with Trevor Noah, but if you haven't seen his solo stand-up you're missing out. Fortunately we're here to introduce you to the wonderful work of Wood Jr. on stage.

The comedian recently did a set for Comedy Central's new stand-up docu-series series Dark Humor -- a project in cooperation with Color of Change that spotlights Black comedians. His aim in this clip is to educate us all about America, or specifically the "two different Americas" where we live now.

You will laugh out loud, however ruefully -- guaranteed.