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Monday, December 09, 2019 {{ new Date().getDay() }}

#EndorseThis: An Architect, Engineer, And Interior Designer ‘Build’ Trump’s Wall

What would happen if you gathered an architect, an engineer, an interior designer, and a concrete guy to price out and “build” Trump’s unnecessary U.S.-Mexico border wall? Stephen Colbert put this scenario to the test, and you can imagine how quickly it all unraveled. (Here at National Memo, we published a popular engineering analysis of the enormous costs and construction difficulties of “the wall” back in 2015.)

As the costs continued to soar with each new proposal, Colbert wondered whether it would make more sense to just build a highway along the border. “Because what is a highway if not a wall on its side?” Colbert pointed out.

Watch as Colbert attempts to figure out how much concrete and wall paper Trump will need to build his “big, beautiful wall.” You also don’t want to miss his phone call to the Mexican consulate once he calculates the final tab.

IMAGE: Screenshot / CBS

#EndorseThis: Joe Kennedy III Calls Out GOP Hypocrisy

During the debate in the House over the new ‘Trumpcare’ health bill, Rep. Joe Kennedy III (D-MA) tapped into his great-uncle’s fiery passion for health care reform, channeling his inner Ted Kennedy to vehemently oppose the Republican legislation.

Honing in on Speaker Paul Ryan’s claim that the House bill is “an act of mercy,” Kennedy set out to expose the obvious hypocrisy in a party that claims to have the best interest of the working-class at heart —  but routinely introduces legislation that harms working and lower-income Americans.

“There is is no mercy in a system that makes health care a luxury,” thundered the grandson of Robert F. Kennedy, who was among the 20th century’s outstanding Senate champions of the poor. “There is no mercy in a country that turns its back on those most in need of protection: the elderly, the poor, the sick, and the suffering.”

Although the bill was ultimately approved by the Ways and Means Committee, Kennedy provided a spark of integrity in what will clearly be a long battle.

#EndorseThis: Incredulous Conservatives Denounce GOP Obamacare Repeal

In the days since the GOP announced its plan to repeal and replace Obamacare, the bill has faced searing criticism from Democrats and even some conservatives who disapprove of “Obamacare Lite.”

On MSNBC’s Morning Joe, neoconservative pundit Bill Kristol berated the Republican Party for rushing through an unpopular bill that has already faced brutal condemnation from the American Medical Association, American Academy of Pediatrics, and the American Osteopathic Association. Kristol can’t understand why the Trump team tossed out the “Politics 101” playbook.

“They are so intoxicated with the notion that Trump’s going to bless it,” a stunned Kristol exclaimed. “[Like] Trump has this magic potion that he just slaps on something and it goes sailing through.”

At the end of the segment, Kristol predicted that the GOP bill is “going to fall apart and there will not be a vote.” Of course he makes all sorts of predictions that never pan out, most notoriously about the invasion of Iraq. But is he right this time?

IMAGE: Screenshot / MSNBC

#EndorseThis: The Grim Reaper Celebrates New ‘Obamacare Lite’ Plan

Last night, the Republicans unveiled their hastily slapped together plan to replace Obamacare, which did not go over well with either party.

On the Late Show, Stephen Colbert reviewed the new plan and commended the GOP for keeping some of the positive parts of Obamacare, like allowing young adults to stay on their parent’s insurance and not discriminating due to pre-existing conditions. As Colbert explained, Trumpcare is similar to its predecessor, but with more tax breaks for insurance companies and less coverage for the Americans that need it the most.

“Conservatives are calling it ‘Obamacare Lite’: Great taste, less coverage,” Colbert remarked comparing the new plan to a terrible diet soda.

Colbert wondered who could possibly endorse a plan that kicks people off their health insurance. Suddenly, the Grim Reaper — or was it Steve Bannon? — appeared behind the Late Night host and danced onstage to celebrate his good fortune.

“We’re all gonna die,” Colbert joked after dancing with the Grim Reaper.

You don’t want to miss Colbert’s take on Sean Spicer’s press conference — especially the references to the size of the bill.

IMAGE: Screenshot / CBS

#EndorseThis: Trump Dons His Tinfoil Hat

Last week, the media couldn’t stop gushing about how “presidential” Trump sounded during his address to Congress. But within a few days, Trump’s pivot towards sanity veered sharply back, with his most conspiracy laden tweets since he was the nation’s chief “birther.”

According to the Daily Show host Trevor Noah, the Obama wiretapping story is the biggest scandal ever — except for last week’s biggest story ever involving Attorney General Jeff Sessions and the Russian ambassador. Only Donald Trump, joked Noah, would think that damage control involves creating an even bigger scandal.

“How can you be a conspiracy theorist when you’re the president?” Noah wondered. “You’re the person with the access to all the information. People make conspiracies because they don’t know the truth.” He then imagined the president wearing a tinfoil hat and complaining that “the government is spying on me!”

But, he added, “You don’t even have to spy on Donald Trump. You can just follow him on Twitter.”

 

IMAGE: Screenshot / Comedy Central

#EndorseThis: John Oliver Dubs Trump’s Wiretapping Claims ‘Stupid Watergate’

Donald Trump took to Twitter this weekend to dive deeper into his alternate reality where down is up, the Bowling Green Massacre actually happened — and President Obama tapped his phone last year.

It’s hard to ignore the parallels between that other infamous wiretapping scandal involving a past president, but HBO’s John Oliver noticed an aspect other pundits missed. As he explained during Sunday’s episode of Last Week Tonight: “I’m going to call it ‘Stupid Watergate,’ a potential scandal with all the intrigue of Watergate, except everyone involved is really bad at everything.”

As always Oliver argues cogently, starting with the fact that Trump’s revelation apparently derives from a Breitbart post detailing baseless claims by conspiracy-loving talk show host, Mark Levin. And after observing Speaker Paul Ryan’s reaction to Trump during last week’s presidential address to Congress, Oliver coined a perfect slogan for the embarrassed GOP: “Don’t laugh, he’s the president.”

#EndorseThis: Trump And Putin Celebrate Their ‘Friendversary’

Imagine if Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin were Facebook friends. What would their “friendversary” video look like? The Nix Bros, who are known for their political comedy videos, take this very question and turn it into reality with a downright hilarious, yet utterly terrifying, viral video.

Spoofing both the ridiculous concept of “friendversary” videos and the obvious connections between the Trump team and the Kremlin, the satirical video highlights many memorable moments, including that time they rigged an election together and their continued efforts to undermine democracy around the world.

With Russia on the brain as the Trump administration faces scandal after scandal, this video is sure to make you laugh — and probably cringe.

IMAGE: Screenshot / Facebook

#EndorseThis: Conan Goes To Mexico, Faces ‘Extreme Vetting’

On last night’s episode of Conan, the fearless late night host packed a bag and took his show on the road — to Mexico. O’Brien’s goal: Use his comedic platform to build goodwill among our Mexican neighbors.

En route to his “Made in Mexico” special, a dusty O’Brien wheeled his suitcase directly to the border where he is stopped by Mexican border control. “Clearly they’re not sending us their best,” mused one guard as O’Brien showed clips of his show in an attempt to prove he really is a comedian.

In an obvious spoof of Trump’s proposed border control policies, the guards wondered aloud if he is one of those “bad hombres,” and decided that Conan will need to pass their “extreme vetting” test to enter the country.

You won’t want to miss what the guards find in Conan’s bag during their vetting process. Just watch.

#EndorseThis: Michael Moore Condemns Trump’s Callous Address

Following President Trump’s address to Congress last night, the airwaves were filled with somber pundits praising the president’s “pivot” after he delivered a speech that exceeded the very low bar set for him.

While Trump may have used his calm, low baritone to try to sound “presidential” and seduce America, Michael Moore saw right through the charade and compared the speech to “newspeak” from George Orwell’s 1984. The tone may have changed, but the nationalist sentiments had not. In fact, Moore argued that it sounded much like a subdued version of Trump’s campaign speeches — minus the standard Hillary Clinton “lock her up” chants.

For Moore, the most heart-wrenching moment — when Trump introduced the widow of fallen U.S. Navy SEAL, Ryan Owens — was nothing more than a ploy to distract America from Trump’s own role in the disastrous raid in Yemen. As the audience gave Owens’ widow a long standing ovation, America’s narcissist-in-chief gleefully pointed out that Owens should be happy in heaven with all of applause he received.

Moore could barely contain his outrage as he rebuked the president. “To use that to put another notch on his belt and what is he thinking about? ‘My ratings, my record applause. I’m going to get an Emmy for this, most applause for a dead soldier on my watch.’ That is the sickness of this man.”

Watch as Michael Moore condemns Trump’s callous speech.

IMAGE: Screenshot / MSNBC

#EndorseThis: Jon Stewart Helps The Media Get Its Groove Back

It’s in dire times like these that America misses its favorite living satirist, Jon Stewart. Luckily for all of us, he left the farm and crawled out of retirement — through a tunnel directly to the Late Show — to address the media’s toxic relationship with Donald Trump.

Addressing Trump’s obsession with lying as a means to prove his alternative facts, Stewart ran down the usual list of Trump’s lies from his electoral win to the country’s murder rate. Then Stewart borrowed a page from Senator Tim Kaine’s Democratic Convention speech as he pinpointed the president’s obvious tell — the phrase “believe me.” When Colbert feigned skepticism, Stewart rolled a montage of Trump’s tell to hilarious effect.

Stewart did not let the media off easy, and offered this advice for dealing with Trump’s never-ending lies — stop whining.

“This breakup has given you an amazing opportunity for self-reflection and improvement,” Stewart admonished. “Take up a hobby! I recommend journalism.”

You don’t want to miss his (latest) triumphant return to late night. The guy can’t stay away…

#EndorseThis: Jimmy Kimmel Trolls Trump At The Oscars

Jimmy Kimmel’s first time hosting the Oscars came with many surprises, including candy and cookies falling from the ceiling and an epic Steve Harvey moment when Moonlight was almost robbed of its Best Picture Oscar. What came as no surprise, however, were Kimmel’s hilarious jabs at President Trump as he opened the telecast.

“I want to say thank you to President Trump. I mean remember last year when it seemed like the Oscars were racist?” Kimmel reminisced. “It has been an amazing year for movies. Black people saved NASA and white people saved jazz. That’s what you call progress.”

Kimmel couldn’t ignore the Meryl in the room, singling out the “overrated” Streep for an ironically Trumpian riff that concluded with a standing ovation for her.  Later in the show, hoping that the president would be watching, Kimmel tweeted “U Up?” at Trump. But it was his follow up tweet — #merylsayshi — that had the audience roaring with laughter.

Kimmel knows that if anything can get under Trump’s thin skin, it’s being mocked and ridiculed by Hollywood celebrities. The whole monologue is well worth the click.

IMAGE: ABC Television Group / Flickr

#EndorseThis: Conan Takes Up A Collection For Trump’s Wall

The always helpful Conan O’Brien headed to Mexico to give President Trump a hand in financing his controversial pet project.  Roaming the streets of Mexico City, the affable TBS host brought a tiny brick wall “bank,” asking for coin donations from the Mexican people – whose reactions ranged from amused to angry.

Conan even offered special incentives and gifts to attract donations for Trump’s ridiculous wall, like a public radio pledge drive.  How successful was his effort? Just click.

#EndorseThis: Seth Meyers Eviscerates Trump’s Cruel Immigration Plans

It doesn’t take a genius to recognize the huge gap between Donald Trump’s rhetoric on immigration and reality. During Wednesday night’s episode of Late Night, Seth Meyers took Trump to task for his aggressive and unnecessarily cruel immigration policies.

Meyers ridiculed Trump for completely fabricating the idea of an uncontrollable immigrant crime wave and for inflating the number of undocumented immigrants in the United States, noting the non-alternative fact of a net loss of 140,000 Mexicans between 2009 and 2014.

“That’s right,” quipped the Late Night host.  “America has turned into a bad movie and people are walking out.”

He also taunted Trump’s ridiculous claim that the U.S.-Mexico border wall will be impenetrable. As an engineer pointed out in our pages, the wall is not only impractical, but the costs are completely absurd.

“Look, these immigration policies are cruel, unnecessary, and ineffective,” Meyers pleaded in a rare moment of solemnity. “Even many Republicans think so. Those Republicans and Democrats should stand up to Trump.”

#EndorseThis: Trump Battles America’s Biggest Enemy — The Media

Before Donald Trump left for the “Winter White House” in Florida — where he planned to kick off his 2020 campaign —  the president took to his Twitter cocoon to berate his enemies, as is his habit. But he couldn’t quite find the right words to explain his hurt feelings after his disastrous press conference last Thursday. In fact, he needed to edit his original tweet naming the media as “the biggest enemy of the American people” so that he would sound even more like an autocrat.

On Late Night, Seth Meyers couldn’t help but notice that Trump failed miserably at sounding like an authoritarian strongman. Apparently, he hasn’t been following the cheat sheet Putin gave him as a guide for delegitimizing the free press.  “Trump comes off as a buffoon,” observed Meyers, “because when you have to double clutch on your authoritarian declarations, you sound less like a terrifying dictator and more like the guy at the bonfire who can kind of play the guitar.”

You don’t want to miss Meyers’ commentary on the fabricated Swedish terror attack. You know things are bad when those polite Swedes mock you mercilessly.

#EndorseThis: John Oliver’s Catchy Putin Pop Song

In the latest episode of This Week Tonight, John Oliver explores the repercussions of Trump’s spot for Russia, detailing the many reasons why Putin is so dangerous — and creating a catchy tune to drive home the message.

Because President Trump doesn’t seem to listen to even his closest advisers when it comes to the dangers of Russia, Oliver decided to once again take it upon himself to try to get through to Trump. Oliver explained:

“So someone needs quickly to get into Trump’s ear and educate him on how realistic getting along better with Putin actually is … We’ve put together a quick explanation guaranteed to stick in Trump’s mind in the catchiest possible form: sh*tty techno music.”

Only two weeks into his show’s new season, Oliver is brilliantly trolling Trump — first with educational ads about the nuclear triad and the Geneva Convention, and now with an inerasable earworm that immediately gets stuck in your head like a Carly Rae Jepsen song. We can only hope that it gets stuck in Trump’s head too.

#EndorseThis: Trump Rants At Presser, Comedians Rejoice

Donald Trump’s first solo press conference as president had all the trappings of a perfect late night comedy sketch: bizarre rants about Michael Flynn and Russia, the usual lies about his “huge” electoral victory, and plenty of unhinged moments involving what Trump called “real leaks, fake news, and the dishonest media.”

For all the talk of Trump dividing the nation, his press conference proved that he can actually unite people around a common cause — great comedy. One can only imagine the sheer joy late night hosts felt while watching this train wreck unfold. On The Late Show, Stephen Colbert could hardly contain his excitement as he tossed out his original monologue for one “so fresh, you can smell it.”

Colbert did his best to explain the bizarre presser, starting with Trump’s prepared remarks claiming that he “inherited a mess” coming into office. Colbert felt obligated to set the record straight and reminded him, “No, you inherited a fortune — we elected a mess.”

One of the strangest moments occurred when Trump attempted to address the thorny issue of race by asking a black reporter to set up a meeting for him with the Congressional Black Caucus. Channeling his inner Trump, Colbert exclaims, “Oh, you’re a black woman. Could you talk to the Congressional Black Caucus? … You know what? Forget it. I’ll have Ben Carson do it.”

Trump’s press conference was a comedic gift that keeps on giving, and you can only imagine how hilarious the cold open will be on Saturday Night Live this weekend.

Watch Colbert’s full monologue: