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Monday, December 09, 2019 {{ new Date().getDay() }}

#EndorseThis: Beto O’ Rourke Gets Full Rock Star Treatment On Colbert

As the late-night host explains early-on in today’s clip, Senator Ted Cruz actually purchased commercial air time during Late Night With Stephen Colbert to diss on his upcoming midterm opponent Beto O’ Rourke.

Hmm. We don’t think Cruz is going to find many converts in the Colbert crowd, who react to Beto the way adolescent girls reacted to Mick Jagger in 1966…minus the fainting.

The Cruz ad itself accidentally shows O’ Rourke doing some desirable things, like speaking in plain (if blue) language to voters, and skateboarding in some fine casual business attire. Eat your heart out, Tony Hawk.

What’s next, Ted? Are you going to show him wooing the ladies? Hopefully not the ladies on your Twitter feed.

See the GOP’s Texas tomfoolery.

#EndorseThis: Trevor Noah Terrorizes Trump For Lame 9/11 Tweets

Trevor Noah of The Daily Show is finally ready to give President Trump some credit. Trump’s tweet about September 11th, 2001 being exactly 17 years ago yesterday is, in fact, completely accurate and 100 percent based in fact…a new leaf not only for the POTUS but for pretty much all of Twitter.

Unfortunately, that’s also where the praise ends.

Trevor hilariously carves-up 45’s ham-handed 9/11 tweets, which offer condolences and support to “haters and losers” who were affected by the terrorist attacks on that fateful day. Yes, it’s true…Trump has actually found a way to empathize with sufferers while bullying them at the exact same time.

The comic then turns his attention to Trump’s past with regard to statements made about 9/11. And that part, friends, is too good to give away…you’ll have to watch to get the jaw-dropping litany.

You’re not clicking play? Not. Good.

#EndorseThis: Cory Booker Shares Democrat Strategy For Winning Midterms

Like a savvy statesman, Cory Booker punctuates the first chunk of a Jimmy Fallon interview with a funny tale which endears him to The Tonight Show crowd.

We won’t give away the details, but let’s just say being elected to Congress doesn’t always stop one’s Mom from fussing over them.

Things turn serious, however, when Booker is tasked with explaining how Democrats can potentially take over Capitol Hill in November of 2018. Instead of merely worrying about which issues paint Dems in the best light or provide the best in-road to attacking President Trump’s record in the White House, the Senator’s advice reminds how gains were made on Philadelphia avenue.

Can we think of an election in which college kids turned the tide of an otherwise evenly-contested race? How about two races?

Yes we can.

#EndorseThis: Pence Makes Startling Admission To Mueller Team

President Trump’s lawyers have discouraged 45 from taking an interview with Robert Mueller or the special counsel’s team, arguing that such testimony under oath could amount to a “perjury trap.” But despite any such warnings, Trump is demonstrably impetuous and reckless enough that it might still happen.

And what if someone else in the administration is even more careless and over-confident when it comes to perjury? It’s not who you might think.

Vice President Mike Pence appears to agree to a personal Mueller interrogation in this clip from Face the Nation, telling interviewer Margaret Brennan he would be “more than willing” to sit down with the special counsel.

Pence does go on to mention “outside counsel” who will “advise” him on the matter, leaving wiggle-room while showing that the VP is still a politician underneath his veneer of religion and patriotism.

Face your indignation.

#EndorseThis: Elon Musk Smokes Joe Rogan Blunt And Breaks Internet

Pod-caster and conspiracy-junkie Joe Rogan is actually kind of a miracle. Rogan manages to be anti-Republican, anti-Democrat, anti-centrist, anti-religion and anti-atheism all at once. It’s strange to see a comedian attract such a wide audience while espousing views that enrage both sides of the liberal/conservative divide.

Maybe Joe looks sane in contrast to some of his guests on the Joe Rogan Experience, which have included controversial figures like Jimmy Dore, Abby Martin, and Milo Yiannopoulos.

And then there’s this week’s JRE guest Elon Musk, who seems determined to tank his own business. In today’s #EndorseThis clip, the polarizing inventor and part-time GOP donor puffs on a marijuana spliff (mistakenly called a “blunt” by Joe) during a 3-hour discussion of artificial intelligence, fossil fuels, and of course world politics – a staple of Rogan’s stoned ramblings.

Tesla stock has already dropped 9% as the podcast clip goes viral. Click to watch Elon’s reputation go up in smoke.

#EndorseThis: Jimmy Kimmel May Have Outed Trump NYT Op-Ed Author

Jimmy Kimmel knows how to give and take. In today’s clip, the comic parses his words carefully while making sure not to appoint himself the world’s foremost expert on politics.

For instance, Kimmel calls President Trump an idiot, and also calls himself an idiot. He tacitly admits that some of Bob Woodward’s popular new book could be fiction…while bashing 45 for publishing harmful fiction of his own.

Most importantly, the late-night host has a theory about which anonymous “senior White House official” wrote the controversial New York Times op-ed detailing Trump’s fight against his own administration, which leans too far in an establishment-GOP direction for the Orange One’s taste.

You might be expecting a punch line or a gag…but it’s actually a damn solid hypothesis.

Here’s a hint – if Trump’s “Space Force” manages to destroy the “Lodestar,” the President’s victim might be high enough in the food chain for it to be considered an historic “assassination.” Flags might fly at half-mast for a very, very long time…except at joyful parties thrown by Democrats in the days to follow.

Press play for the proof.

#EndorseThis: Fallon Says Kavanaugh Not Qualified To Work At Olive Garden

Sometimes the joke is all about the setup.

While Jimmy Fallon doesn’t exactly take it easy on President Trump or any of 45’s appointees/ex-appointees (just listen to the crack about Omarosa and Facebook 45 seconds into today’s clip), the comic is a little gentler than most on late night when it comes to politics. The Kavanaugh hearings are no exception. Jimmy has a hard time hating anyone, even when they’re connected to Trump.

So how did Jimmy draw the conclusion that new SCOTUS nominee Brett Kavanaugh isn’t qualified to serve spaghetti?

Fans of Orrin Hatch – and those with weak stomachs – beware. The awful truth is at the 1:20 mark.

#EndorseThis: Kavanaugh Hearing Erupts In Protest After Dirty GOP Trick

Let’s face it – there were going to be protests and requests-for-delay at the Brett Kavanaugh confirmation hearings no matter what. In the divided political landscape of 2018, a Republican or Democratic POTUS could nominate Ghandi to the Supreme Court, and there would still be protests and outrage over his confirmation.

But Dems couldn’t have imagined that the GOP would make it so easy.

Republicans dumped 15,000 new Kavanaugh files on Capitol Hill last night, not giving Democrats a chance to read and review the documents before the judge’s hearing could begin this morning. Kamala Harris interrupted Senator Chuck Grassley before the chairman could finish introducing the hearing, as she and Cory Booker both loudly protested the document dump.

Harris and Booker weren’t the only ones to cause an uproar on Kavanaugh’s first day of hearings. Play the embedded clip to witness more chaos as protesters join Democrats in calling for the proceedings to be cut short.

Will a fist fight be next?

#EndorseThis: Senator Says Trump Insults Having Weird Effect On Congress

Happy Labor Day, National Memo readers. While #EndorseThis does its best to theme our clips to match whatever holiday is happening at the time, the news waits for no one. And there are bigger fish to fry than stories about people getting a much-deserved extra day off to start September.

Like Congress, for instance. In case anyone is curious about how the Senate is getting along while President Trump is in office, a Senator from Minnesota has the answer. In a word? Walking on eggshells.

In today’s clip, Sen. Amy Klobuchar is discussing John McCain’s funeral with Chuck Todd of NBC when the subject of Trump rears its ugly head. Klobuchar uses some surprisingly-salty language that will have you “laboring” to cover your kids’ ears.

Meet the unimpressed.

#EndorseThis: Mika Says Delusional Ivanka Trump Is Running For POTUS

In the movie Soylent Green, future New York City is an overcrowded swamp of pollution, violence, and discord. Yet the few scenes involving politicians show the civic leaders in a smiling, optimistic mood, giving nice speeches.

White House figures have to have a little “Soylent Green” in them. Melting down on camera while screaming that America will never unite? That wouldn’t do as much good for the country as “Yes, We Can.” Even when times are tough. But there’s definitely a fine line, and Ivanka Trump is an especially egregious (some would say oblivious) when it comes to crossing it.

In today’s clip, Mika Brzezinski of MSNBC says that the First Daughter is living in a parallel universe of Instagram selfies and domestic joy while the rest of us deal with her father.

It’s actually kind of funny when you think about it…but Mika lays down another theory of Ivanka that is no laughing matter. Good thing she tags it with the leavening “or something,” or else the whole viewing audience may have fainted over coffee.

Is Ivanka made of people?

#EndorseThis: Conan Unleashes Nuclear Punch Line On President Trump

First things first, our sincere apologies for yesterday’s missing version of #EndorseThis. Not that an alibi is needed with such loyal readership, but stormy travel skies, flawed WiFi at 20,000 feet, and a dead laptop combined to put your humble narrator out of commission for most of a day.

Now that we’re back to it, how about a fresh start? “ET” has perhaps been alienated (see what we did there?) with some many serious themes lately. This column is at-heart a late-night comedy review. No need for too many “very special episodes!”

Conan O’Brien fits in our new theme perfectly, leading off a Wednesday night monologue with several vicious punch lines about President Trump in the first 60 seconds.

But wait for the Trump-Roseanne joke with a subtle John McCain reference. It might be just a little too soon, but you can’t say it doesn’t feel right.

Conan. Destroyer of audience.

#EndorseThis: Tiger Woods Nailed For Mealy-Mouthed Defense Of Trump

If you find yourself annoyed by the style of SportsCenter and the other soundbite-driven, comedy-oriented shows on ESPN, #EndorseThis is right there with you. As Bob Costas once put it, “Am I listening to a sports narrator, or a stand-up comic?”

But every so often, the blokes (and bloke-ettes) on ESPN round-tables make some salient political points.

Tiger Woods has stepped in some of the deepest crap since he made his ex-wife chase him with a 7-iron. Confronted by a reporter over his golf-buddy friendship with President Trump, the iconic athlete fell back on the old “respect the office” slogan in remarks that cheered conservatives and angered liberals.

But as Max Kellerman points out in today’s clip from ESPN, Tiger’s “answer” really wasn’t an answer at all.

Excellent. Surprising. Persuasive. No joke.

#EndorseThis: Sacha Baits O.J. Simpson Into Joking About Nicole Brown Murder

Another Monday, another Sacha Baron Cohen moment from Who is America. Why, is #EndorseThis losing its trademark randomness in choosing political subject matter?

No, not quite. In fact, today’s clip has little to do with politics. It does have a lot to say about toxic masculinity, though…and a real-life celebrity murder that no one in America can forget.

Cohen interviews none other than famously-accused Nicole Brown murderer O.J. Simpson, pairing O.J. with yet another fictional character. This fellow is named “Gio Monaldo” and bears more than a passing resemblance to Kill Bill character Pai Mei. Just like the old martial-arts master, Monaldo has contempt for women, and jokes about killing his girlfriend while O.J. laughs along. The interviewer and interviewee have “something in common,” he tells Simpson.

Does O.J. take the bait? At the very least, he uses a rather Trumpian double-negative when the subject of Nicole Brown finally swims to the surface.

Don’t click nothing.

#EndorseThis: Republican Giggles On Air At Heroic Description Of Trump

Meet the new boss…same as the old boss.

This is not at all a defense of President Trump or his far-right policies. But one of the myths about Trump invented by so-called “liberal” tabloids is that his political game represents a new, advanced form of evil. In reality, Trump seizes power using tactics and slogans that go back 50 or more years. Sometimes a thousand years. Like, “My opponents only care about their pals,” or, “I’ll clean up the mess in Washington.” Trump’s version of the latter, of course, is “drain the swamp.”

In today’s clip, GOP strategist Tara Setmeyer can’t contain her laughter as pro-Trump partisan Steve Cortes uses a live CNN debate to cast 45 as an angel who has ended corruption and lobbying in D.C.

Careful playing Tara’s rebuttal too loudly. A wisp of smoke may emerge from your device.

#EndorseThis: Senator Blumenthal Calls For Trump To Be Indicted

Democrats in Congress are demanding that Judge Brett Kavanaugh’s confirmation proceedings be delayed due to the indictments of Trump associates Paul Manafort (with an eight-count conviction, no less) and Michael Cohen.

To be realistic, the statements are political. Kavanaugh’s competence (or lack thereof) is independent of Manafort and Cohen’s tax evasions and other misdeeds, though the plot does call into question 45’s judgement in picking people. Republicans will do anything they can to get Kavanaugh confirmed. Democrats will fight it any way they can, and the whole thing is likely to feel impossibly dull by October.

But wait – should Trump be himself indicted? Sen. Richard Blumenthal ups the ante in this short clip from MSNBC, calling the Manafort convictions and Cohen guilty plea “bombshell.” Indictment should be “on the table,” says the Senator from Connecticut, as the POTUS has engaged in as much criminal behavior as his unlucky henchmen.

Tap that button. Lock him up.

#EndorseThis: Trevor Noah Says Trump Has Taken Our Midterms Away

Trevor Noah has pointed out that President Donald Trump – or more-precisely the political figure that is Donald J. Trump – is not a political buzz-saw as much as a bus. A gigantic, fat, wobbling bus, going down the road at tremendous speed. Anyone who dares to cross it gets rolled right over.

Regretfully, that applies to House and Senate candidates too. Trump has come to dominate all news cycles and all mainstream political debate to the point where all other voices are choked out. In today’s clip, the Daily Show comic points out (in a candid aside to his audience) that the 2018 midterm elections are not going to be like those of the past.

Thanks to Trump, of course. Trevor’s brief bit about the meek politician trying to offer his “platform” to a crazed crowd that simply wants to beat itself up and argue about Trump is as poignant as it is giggle-worthy. Also, stay tuned for Not Mark. (You’ll know when you get there.)

I just wanted to…Shut Up. Press Play.

#EndorseThis: Joe Scarborough Says Trump Will Quit Before 2021

Will President Trump’s reshaping of the political landscape become his own undoing?

Morning Joe co-host Joe Scarborough believes that Trump’s feet will get too hot for the fire in 2020, and that the POTUS will leave the race voluntarily thanks to incendiary primary and general-election challenges, perhaps coming from Joe Biden, Mark Cuban and/or Elizabeth Warren.

Joe’s guest John Heilemann, a beat reporter and hands-on pundit during the 2015-16 Presidential campaign, offers an alternative opinion of what could happen in 2020 and 2021. Trump, he claims, will attempt to win in 2020, but quit if he wins reelection. The Orange One only wants to run for President again so he can prove the media wrong, and has no interest in remaining in the office after that, says the veteran journalist.

Is the best way to get rid of Donald Trump to let him have his way?

Click for palace intrigue.