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Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Hillary Clinton is now on Twitter.

This woman looks for trouble, I swear.

As has been widely reported with the breathless rush of an alien sighting, Clinton’s Twitter profile reads, “Wife, mom, lawyer, women & kids advocate, FLOAR, FLOTUS, US Senator, SecState, author, dog owner, hair icon, pantsuit aficionado, glass ceiling cracker, TBD…”

Funny and coy. God help her.

Pundits are parsing every word. Not everyone is thrilled with Hillary Clinton.

In other breaking news, my dog, Franklin, is wagging his tail. Again.

Slate’s John Dickerson thinks Clinton’s timing may be off. “If redefining the role of elder-stateswoman is not her intent and that ‘TBD …’ (to be determined) was a flirtation with speculation about her presidential hopes, perhaps she should step away from the keyboard,” he wrote. “It’s too early.”

New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd noted that BuzzFeed listed six — count ’em, six — changes Clinton made to her Twitter profile in the first hours after she activated her account. For example, Clinton switched the order of wife and mother, hence nipping in the bud once and for all the nonexistent rumor that she was once an unwed mother. She also added the word “glass” before “ceiling” to distinguish her from Superman, who can plow through concrete.

Tweaking her Twitter? Clear evidence that Clinton is calculating and obsessed, to paraphrase Dowd.

Or she’s just like the rest of us, to quote all of my friends. “You try summing up your life in 160 characters,” said those of us who never have been Secretary of State and First Lady.

Back to the glass ceiling. The Washington Post’s Emily Heil used this same metaphor to report that a construction crew has been called in to expand the women’s restroom off the U.S. Senate floor. They’re doing this to make room for the historic number of female senators.

Think about that. One-fifth of the Senate, where Clinton once served, is now women. I have no idea how many of them tweet, but I’m sure some male blogger is all over that one. Thank goodness, too. This whole woman thing is out of control.

BuzzFeed editor-in-chief Ben Smith dismissed Clinton’s Twitter debut as a dated and desperate attempt to telegraph, “I’m not old.”

He also suggested two young men as bright, shiny alternatives to Clinton: Cory Booker and Marco Rubio.

Booker is the mayor of Newark, NJ, and has yet to prove he can win a Senate primary.

Marco Rubio is a U.S. senator. He’s also an anti-choice Republican. Boy, will he woo the Hillary crowd.