#CPACPanels — Where The Right Wing Can Let Its Pants Down
Every year the conservative movement gathers in Washington D.C. to see which politicians and reality stars it can attract. This year Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) and Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI) join Donald Trump and Sarah Palin on stage.
But the real action happens in the panels, where last year in a minority outreach panel, someone actually argued that slavery was good — for slaves.
After seeing the actual title of an actual panel below, I decided to offer some other suggestions for panels that would fit iton this year’s convention — unaware that the Democratic National Committee had put together a fake schedule of its own.
Wait, this is real? This isn’t one of @LOLGOP‘s #CPACpanels? Like, really real? pic.twitter.com/Ee2bsiANKK
— Slade Sohmer (@SladeHV) March 6, 2014
Here they are:
How to Shame Women Out of Using Birth Control Without Going to the Boss #CPACPanels — LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2014
How NOT to Bake a Penis Cake #CPACPanels — LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2014
You Say #Benghazi, I Say #BENGHAZI #CPACPanels
— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2014
What’s a Whitewater, a Filegate & a Paula Jones and Other Things You’ll Need to Scream About if Hillary Clinton Runs in 2016 #CPACPanels
— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2014
How to Eat Gold #CPACPanels — LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2014
Meet Someone Whose Tweet Calling a Liberal Stupid was Featured on Twitchy #CPACPanels — LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2014
Mitt Romney and Sarah Palin Were Right About One Thing, Sort Of, Depending On How You Look At It #CPACPanels
— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2014
9 Ways to Work Kate Upton Into Your Blog Post So Your Readers Are Certain You’re Heterosexual #CPACPanels
— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2014
How to Give Ted Cruz Money #CPACPanels — LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2014
Nice Things The Koch Brothers Do When They Aren’t Trying To Destroy Social Security and Profit off a Climate Disaster #CPACPanels — LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2014
Which Donald Trump Ex-Wife are You? #CPACPanels
— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2014
What Will Rick Santorum Try to Marry When Same-Sex Marriage Becomes Legal in All 50 States? #CPACPanels
— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2014
Do We Like Marco Rubio Today? #CPACPanels
— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2014
Someone Says “If You Like Your _____, You Can Keep Your ______” and We All Laugh #CPACPanels
— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2014
How Same-Sex Marriage is More Dangerous Than Climate Change, Explained By a Meme Featuring a Topless Putin #CPACPanels
— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2014
“Lincoln Was a Republican!” and Other Things to Say as You’re Trying to Stop Black People from Voting #CPACPanels
— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2014
How to Pretend George W. Bush Wasn’t the Worst President of the Last Century and Go Viral! Merica. #CPACPanels
— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2014
Listen to a Person Who Used to Be Famous Say Crazy Things About Obama #CPACPanels
— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2014
Retirement is for Socialists #CPACPanels
— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2014
F*cking Magnets, How Do They Work? Is the Science Settled? #CPACPanels
— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2014
How to Read a Teleprompter Joke Off a Teleprompter #CPACPanels
— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2014
They Have Cell Phones! And Other Reasons Poor People Don’t Need Health Care #CPACPanels
— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2014
How to Pronounce Koch and Boehner #CPACPanels
— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2014
How to Support Israel (So The World Can End and We Can Go to Heaven. Merica.) #CPACPanels
— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2014
How to Find Your Alan Colmes #CPACPanels
— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2014
Bigger Hoax: Climate Change or the Female Orgasm? #CPACPanels
— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2014
Photo: jbouie via Flickr